I just got the news that my dear, dear friend Deb passed away this afternoon. She’d been in treatment for leukemia since August, and was struggling to stay in remission when she had a stroke a couple weeks ago, falling and hitting her head. She slipped into a coma about ten days ago.

The two things floating around in my head right now:
1. Deb was the inspiration for the whole yarn store idea. She’d been out of work for a while, and we’d had a number of conversations about the things we’ve found lacking in some of the local yarn stores we visited. I would love to set up and organize a store; Deb would have had the time and people skills to run it day-to-day. Without her now, I can’t imagine how it could possibly work. I could still set it up and organize it, but I don’t have her warmth, enthusiasm and expertise. The idea seems to be slipping out of my reach, and it makes me sad.
2. I can’t deal with this right now. I barely have the energy — physical and emotional — to handle my own life. I can feel myself pushing Deb’s death out to the edges of my plate, which makes me sad all by itself. As my sister pointed out, Deb would have given me that advice herself: not to worry about her, but to set it aside and take care of whatever I need to in order to stay healthy. Still, I feel badly about not feeling bad enough. Or something.